you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
