K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
