Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize