he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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