I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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