Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
