I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
