wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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