Got a toothbrush?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
What drink are we having for lunch?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
