did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
