I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
