dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
