if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
