haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
