I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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