So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
