Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
