i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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