He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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