Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
