apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
