you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize