Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize