Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
