....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
