Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
