it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
