see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We are all done wearing pants today
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
