I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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