I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
