Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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