pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
