If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize