I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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