Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
