Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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