Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
