It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
