i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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