There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
