Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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