I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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