I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
