I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
