You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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