3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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