return my video game
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
