In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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