Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
