I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
