Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
