i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
