Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
a search helicopter?!
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
