Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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