You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
