Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
