Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
People in love make me want to vomit
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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