There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
