I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
