can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
