Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
