the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
