Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
