thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he thought i was a dude.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
