I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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