i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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