Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
