I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
